| I have not had a cigarette in approximately three days. This is the longest I have gone in quite a while. They say it takes only two for your system to purge itself of nicotene, but my body still craves it, and can still feel it. I have had a pretty dull headache since I got home. I'm sure this is due in part to my dysfunctional family, but also because of withdrawal. I can't wait until I step out of my father's car tomorrow and begin to fill my lungs with carcinogens once again. I am going to open up a detox program for smokers. I'll have some compound in the woods, and people will come from all around the country, and spend a month or so with me. Upon arrival, patients will be required to smoke as much of a carton as possible, and then they will settle in. There will be the usual rehab activities - looking at blackened and diseased body parts, spiritual bullshit and that game where someone stands behind you and you fall into their arms. There will be no cigarettes available for 50 miles. If anyone is caught smuggling in cigarettes or smoking them, we will put them out on their flesh. Then, my mother will yell at them. The program as a whole will allow our participants to me smoke free by the time they leave, but it will mostly be due to my mother. After a month of nagging, they will take up drinking instead. In other news, I'm pretty sure my brother has discovered shower masturbation. He takes showers at odd hours of the night and today I noticed a gross amount of pubes in the drain. I think I am going to just start bringing a bar of soap with me into the hot tub. My dad just changed the water so I can be confident my brother's fluids are not floating around in there. |
