| Today I found Jesus. He is going to pay my rent. I really miss Maro and I want to make spaghetti and drink cheap red wine with her. Then I want to dance around the living room to Jay-Z. The bums in Philly are getting restless. I need some money. I've had a headache for the past week. And my lymph nodes are so swollen it feels like I have arms growing out of my neck. I have a really sexy cough now and I'm thinking like, maybe I should like, quit smoking. I'm obsessed with this daytime tv show called Starting Over. It's like the real world for fucked up women with completely unattainable goals. They have to do ridiculous things like go out on dates with themselves (alone, talking to a video camera) and take etiquette lessons in order to completely start over and achieve these dreams. Nyanza, a ghetto bitch lawyer wants to become "authentic" like a Louis Vuitton bag. She has been living her life like a Louis Vuitton purchased on Canal Street. Maureen, a 60 something year old woman who smokes a carton of cigarettes a day, wants to divorce her husband and become a stand up comic. She has been going to amateur nights and is probably the least funny person in the entire world and it should be against the law to actually encourage her or any of the other women in the house to go out ever again. These ladies had the right idea locking themselves in their houses and watching Maury all day. It's working pretty well for me. |
