| So. I'm leaving on Friday. I have no idea how this day snuck up on me so quickly. I keps telling myself I'd do things and say goodbye to people and it never really happened. I'm scared. Tomorrow I have to try and call my grandmother and see if I can visit her one last time before I leave. I've been doing nothing all this time and waited until the last possible minute. She'll probably be too busy to see me. Typical. I'm possibly staying at Mark's crack den for a few days to give Elise some more time to herself or something. Jesus christ, it's weird. I'm going to be living in fucking Philadelphia in a day. I am so excited. I'm glad that for the first few days, I'll have some people with me. I don't know how a little Honda Civic will fit all my belongings and one Ms. Maro in the back seat. It's so bizarre, I don't feel like I'm a part of my life right now. It's like I'm a spectator. I can't make anything happen, but it's all happening. I've grown attached to this crappy little apartment, to my roommates who I almost never see anymore, to my neighborhood, to my city. I won't see a lot of people I wanted to say goodbye to. I won't even see my family before I leave. I don't know if anyone's going to even remember me after I'm gone. Once I hit the Mass Pike, all traces of me will just turn to dust and blow away. I haven't done so many of the things I said I would. I just kept telling myself, "tomorrow." Tomorrow, I'll be gone. I have a hard time falling asleep. Actually, it's near impossible. Even after last night's bottle of wine, I was wide awake. I went to bed around 11 tonight, but here I am, sleepless. Maybe I shouldn't even bother trying to sleep at all. There's so much left to be done. I'll do it tomorrow. I have no idea who or where I am anymore. Nights are so long. |
