| Two people are coming to look at the apartment. On the same day. Within a half hour of each other. Tomorrow. I am praying so hard that one of them is normal. One is a boy and one is a girl. The girl wants to move in in early April, but she's 27. The boy is 19 but wants to move in May 1. Both of them seem very nice, but my roommate doesn't really want a boy living here. I don't really see a 27 year old girl wanting to live in a place like this. And if neither of them want to move in, I don't know what I'm going to do. I've had about ten responses to the 4 ads I put up. Most of them were people I didn't even write back. They were people in their mid 20s working in office buildings. If they saw this apartment they would probably punch me in the face. I'm so nervous about this, I feel as if I'm on the verge of a panic attack all the time. It reminds me of a lot of other times where I just lost everything, and I'm pretty much doing the same here. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to do certain things, think about certain things. My head hurts, I feel dizzy. There's a constant feeling that there is something terribly wrong that I forgot to fix. This is unfortunately not like the feeling you get when you leave your iron on after you go to work. It's much more intense, because the thing I forgot to fix was me. Last night I dreamt that I was sitting on a fence with my little sister when all of a sudden, a helicopter came down from the sky and began swooping though the trees before us, weaving in and out. We learned it was because there was a killer in the woods right there, and so we jumped off the fence and rolled down into a ditch, and there he was. |
